Lately I found myself wanting to be closer to God. I started going to church on Sundays and also attending bible studies every Friday. Learning the word of God has given me a deeper meaning of life, but it has also left me confused.
I have wished for so many things in my life while growing up. I've spent days agonizing and pinning over what I want and desire in life. All of a sudden it all doesn't seem as important, and now what I want I found out goes completely against my faith.
I believe it was in high school when I fully and undeniably admitted to myself that I might be bisexual. Sometimes I even thought I was a lesbian. I admitted it to one family member who was 2yrs younger than I was, but at the time that was the only real close friend I had. I was definitely a loner. I don't know how these feelings developed but it did, and I have had plenty of crushes throughout my high school and college years.
I have wished to be with a women but too chicken to act on it, but I finally did and I found this amazing girl, only now my faith is holding me back. The things I've wished for in my high school years are finally coming through, I've lost weight, I've found my handful of great friends and I've found someone who I like and actually likes me back.
Now what do I do when I've found Christ. I don't want to praise God and follow his word and adjust his words to fit what I want. I've have sinned in my life, but I've learned you can ask for forgiveness and change, but I can't continue to sin and expect the lord to forgive me. I've read the Bible and Leviticus 18:22 says “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin." Now when I read this of course I'm hesitant. I have no idea what to do. I'm tore in so many ways but my faith means more to me than what society thinks or what I want in general. I have to let the lords will be done.
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Very honest I see. I know what you mean. It's like when you like something or enjoys doing something, you try to find a loop hole or excuse so you can keep living your life and still include Jesus somehow but it doesn't work that way. I've learned that and I'm still working on it! So just keep praying! Jesus is life and truth so there is no choosing. He just is! It's all or nothing. The Bible encourages us to be hot in the Lord or cold in the world. There is no middle ground! To be luke warm is to be a fool.
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