Now as I've learned so many times in church and from reading the bible it is a sin to be a homosexual. Now what do you say to a relationship like what these two have? God is Love, this I believe but what happens when something unexpected like this happens, falling for a woman. What do you do when your mind goes their and you can't stop these feelings. You know it's a sin and it's wrong in God's book. Do you think he goes around damning everyone that is Gay? 1st Corinthians says love is stronger than hope and faith. I'm not saying it's alright to be gay, but what happens when you can't help these feelings?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Otalia! Love's confession
So I was surfing You Tube videos and I came across Otalia. The relationship between Olivia and Natalia on the soap opera Guiding Light. I was certainly touched by this storyline. I come to realize that Natalia has the same issues I do. Her faith means everything to her, however she has this undeniably love inside of her for Olivia. So what do you do when your heart is torn between your faith and what you want in the name of love, but tells you it's wrong?
She has the same questions I have. No matter how many times I have sort out my feelings, I come up with more questions and more confusion. Now so far in Otalia's storyline they confesses their love to each other, however they part ways because of her faith and of course what others will think. I know they will pick up and I'm curious to know how they deal. I know its daytime television and its not real, but I believe this storyline is told in its purest form.
She has the same questions I have. No matter how many times I have sort out my feelings, I come up with more questions and more confusion. Now so far in Otalia's storyline they confesses their love to each other, however they part ways because of her faith and of course what others will think. I know they will pick up and I'm curious to know how they deal. I know its daytime television and its not real, but I believe this storyline is told in its purest form.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I Need A Break!
It would be nice to take a break from the life I know. Just to be with me myself and I so I can find out who I really am. I have a thirst for life and I just want to start enjoying it with no regrets or confusion.
I Love God But I Think I'm A Lesbian!
Lately I found myself wanting to be closer to God. I started going to church on Sundays and also attending bible studies every Friday. Learning the word of God has given me a deeper meaning of life, but it has also left me confused.
I have wished for so many things in my life while growing up. I've spent days agonizing and pinning over what I want and desire in life. All of a sudden it all doesn't seem as important, and now what I want I found out goes completely against my faith.
I believe it was in high school when I fully and undeniably admitted to myself that I might be bisexual. Sometimes I even thought I was a lesbian. I admitted it to one family member who was 2yrs younger than I was, but at the time that was the only real close friend I had. I was definitely a loner. I don't know how these feelings developed but it did, and I have had plenty of crushes throughout my high school and college years.
I have wished to be with a women but too chicken to act on it, but I finally did and I found this amazing girl, only now my faith is holding me back. The things I've wished for in my high school years are finally coming through, I've lost weight, I've found my handful of great friends and I've found someone who I like and actually likes me back.
Now what do I do when I've found Christ. I don't want to praise God and follow his word and adjust his words to fit what I want. I've have sinned in my life, but I've learned you can ask for forgiveness and change, but I can't continue to sin and expect the lord to forgive me. I've read the Bible and Leviticus 18:22 says “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin." Now when I read this of course I'm hesitant. I have no idea what to do. I'm tore in so many ways but my faith means more to me than what society thinks or what I want in general. I have to let the lords will be done.
I have wished for so many things in my life while growing up. I've spent days agonizing and pinning over what I want and desire in life. All of a sudden it all doesn't seem as important, and now what I want I found out goes completely against my faith.
I believe it was in high school when I fully and undeniably admitted to myself that I might be bisexual. Sometimes I even thought I was a lesbian. I admitted it to one family member who was 2yrs younger than I was, but at the time that was the only real close friend I had. I was definitely a loner. I don't know how these feelings developed but it did, and I have had plenty of crushes throughout my high school and college years.
I have wished to be with a women but too chicken to act on it, but I finally did and I found this amazing girl, only now my faith is holding me back. The things I've wished for in my high school years are finally coming through, I've lost weight, I've found my handful of great friends and I've found someone who I like and actually likes me back.
Now what do I do when I've found Christ. I don't want to praise God and follow his word and adjust his words to fit what I want. I've have sinned in my life, but I've learned you can ask for forgiveness and change, but I can't continue to sin and expect the lord to forgive me. I've read the Bible and Leviticus 18:22 says “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin." Now when I read this of course I'm hesitant. I have no idea what to do. I'm tore in so many ways but my faith means more to me than what society thinks or what I want in general. I have to let the lords will be done.
My Society!
What's your society like? Not the general public, but the people around you. Your family, your friends, neighbors, coworkers, classmates, professors etc. Are you comfortable around them? Are you yourself when your around them? Or do you put up a front to disguise your true being? I know I do. There are certain things my close friends know about me that my family don't know, there are also things that my family knows that my friends don't know.
There is also behavior aspects. My family may see my acts in its entirety for example my immature side,belligerent, impatient and all my bad habits. The people your around longest(family) your often comfortable enough to show them your habits. Unless its something they are strictly against, or contradicts their beliefs in anyways.
This is where your friends come in. You tell them what you can't tell your family. For instance if you are a young teen girl who happens to be sexually active and you have a mom who had you in her teen years, most likely she preach to you the importance of abstinence and her insistence of you not turning out like she did. This is a friend talk. There's so much to consider when you make a decision in your life especially if it'll impact how your viewed in your society.
There is also behavior aspects. My family may see my acts in its entirety for example my immature side,belligerent, impatient and all my bad habits. The people your around longest(family) your often comfortable enough to show them your habits. Unless its something they are strictly against, or contradicts their beliefs in anyways.
This is where your friends come in. You tell them what you can't tell your family. For instance if you are a young teen girl who happens to be sexually active and you have a mom who had you in her teen years, most likely she preach to you the importance of abstinence and her insistence of you not turning out like she did. This is a friend talk. There's so much to consider when you make a decision in your life especially if it'll impact how your viewed in your society.
Who Are You?
How does anyone know who they really are in this society(world) that we live in? How do you juggle your belief's or your faith (religion), if I must say, along with the material things and whats expected of you among your piers or society in general. I guess what I'm getting at is do you truly know who you are?(identity).
Imagine being alone, just away from your friends and families or the material things that you believe makes you who you are, or who you think you are. What do you think you'll discover about yourself? Better yet, how many of us are scared to be alone in our thoughts? Have you ever sit and think about what it is that you truly desire. Forget about money, because face it that's what most of us believes shape our entire future. Now your all left with nothing. Who are you? I bet most of us can't answer that question.
I battle all the time with my Faith VS my Identity VS Society, because sometimes what I want completely go against my faith and the idealism of my society.
Imagine being alone, just away from your friends and families or the material things that you believe makes you who you are, or who you think you are. What do you think you'll discover about yourself? Better yet, how many of us are scared to be alone in our thoughts? Have you ever sit and think about what it is that you truly desire. Forget about money, because face it that's what most of us believes shape our entire future. Now your all left with nothing. Who are you? I bet most of us can't answer that question.
I battle all the time with my Faith VS my Identity VS Society, because sometimes what I want completely go against my faith and the idealism of my society.
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